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Why Mean Comments Can't Hurt You When You've Done the Inner Work: Healing Visibility Wounds

"Coming from someone that has never made anything in her entire life, all load of BS."
"Get off the bong. You idiot."
"Get a real job. You bum."

These are actual comments left on my Facebook ads over the span of about a week. Real people, with real profiles, some with pictures of babies sitting on their laps, typing these things and hitting send.

A few years ago, comments like these would have destroyed me. My stomach would have twisted into knots. I would have spiralled, questioned everything, maybe even pulled the ad down entirely. But last week? I screenshot them. I had a giggle. I recorded a reel about them. And then I sat down to record this podcast episode.

Not because I've developed thick skin. Not because I don't care what people think. But because the wound they were trying to poke doesn't exist anymore. And that's what I want to talk about today. Because if you're a spiritual entrepreneur, coach, or healer who's been holding yourself back from your next level of visibility because you're terrified of judgment, you need to understand this: visibility doesn't create your wounds. It reveals them.

The Comment That Actually Hurt

Let me take you back a few years to when I was first starting this business. I was running Facebook ads for my EFT practice. I was already nervous about being visible, already questioning whether people would take me seriously. I'd left school halfway through Year 11. I didn't have the traditional qualifications that I thought made someone "credible."

And then a woman showed up in my ad comments. She didn't agree with EFT. She didn't think it was a real modality. She demanded I link studies. She called my training "some clown college." And she was relentless. Even when people who'd worked with me showed up to defend EFT, she kept coming back. Tagging me. Demanding proof. And it gutted me.

Not because her words were particularly creative or cutting. But because she was pouring salt into a wound I already had wide open.

Underneath my brave posts and polished ads, I was already asking myself those exact questions: Am I qualified enough? Will people take me seriously? Who would actually listen to me?

She didn't create that wound. She just found it.

That's what visibility does for soul-led entrepreneurs. It doesn't manufacture the fear. It shines a spotlight on the wounds we've been trying to hide.

If the Wound Is Not Open, It Can't Trigger You

Here's the key thing I want you to understand, and this is what changed everything for me:
If the wound is not open already, judgment cannot trigger you.

This is why the same comment that would have destroyed me a few years ago now makes me laugh. The wound isn't there anymore. I've done the deeper identity work. I've faced the places within myself where I questioned my authority, met my inner imposter, and stopped letting those parts of me run the show. So when someone calls me a "bum" or tells me to "get a real job", there's nothing inside me that agrees with them. There's no open wound for their words to land in. The comment isn't about me. They don't know me. They don't know what I've built, what I've lived through, what I've created. Their judgment is a projection. And it's not mine to carry.

This is the work that matters for spiritual entrepreneurs building sustainable businesses. Not the content strategy. Not the algorithm hacks. The identity work that makes you unshakeable.

What We're Really Afraid Of

But here's the thing that most people don't talk about when they discuss visibility and fear of judgment: we're not actually afraid of the comments themselves. When we break it down, most women aren't scared of trolls saying mean things. What they're actually afraid of is what those comments might mean.

What if my ex-boss sees this?
What if my old coworkers judge me?
What if my family thinks I'm being "too much"?
What if someone I respect thinks I'm a fraud?

We're not afraid of the words. We're afraid of being misunderstood, ridiculed, or rejected. And that makes sense. Because as humans, we have a fundamental need to belong, to be accepted, to feel safe within our tribe. In our early evolutionary days, anything that didn't keep you safe in the tribe was a genuine threat to your survival.

But in this day and age, it's complicated. The "tribe" isn't just the people physically around you anymore. It's your Facebook feed, your Instagram followers, your ex-colleagues, your family members who don't understand online business. And so we start to see threats everywhere. We think: "If I show up as this version of myself, will I still belong? Will I still be accepted?"

I felt this myself last year. I was starting to share more of my workouts, more of my body, more of my playful, spicy side. And someone close to me made a comment: "Oh, what are you showing yourself working out on Facebook now?" It was meant to be light. Maybe even teasing. But it landed like judgment. And for a moment, I felt that old wound open: "Oh, they're judging me."

But then I took a breath. And I reminded myself: sharing me is a part of who I am. It's how people connect to me. They don't have an online business. They don't get it. And that's okay.

The judgment wasn't mine to carry.

For coaches and healers building soul-led businesses, this is a pattern that shows up again and again. The fear of being "too much" or "not enough" stops us from showing up fully. And that dilution costs us clients, income, and impact.

Visibility Reveals What Needs to Heal

Here's what I've learned through my own journey and through working with soul-led entrepreneurs in my mastermind:
When we're stepping into our next visibility edge, something will come up. Always.

It might be fear of running ads. It might be terror about posting a video. It might be wobbling at your new pricing. It might be nervousness about being seen in an intimate container, holding space for high-level clients. But whatever it is, it's not a reason to stop. It's an invitation to explore.

Just recently, a past client messaged me. She'd doubled her speaking fee and used EFT to send the email. Of course they accepted. It was a no-brainer. But there was a part of her that wobbled at the price. And then she said: "Now I've just got to work on believing that I'm worth that price." I told her: this is another level of visibility. You need to be seen and see yourself at that next level of payment, that next level of eyes on you, that next level of being visible as the woman who charges that much.

There's always going to be something that comes up. And that's what I deeply believe is an invitation. It's not a block. It's not a sign you're not ready. It's the ascension symptom. It's the next level of identity work calling you forward. This is what separates spiritual entrepreneurs who scale from those who stay stuck. The willingness to face what visibility reveals.

The Three Layers of Visibility Wounds

Through my work with coaches, healers, and spiritual entrepreneurs, I've identified three distinct layers of visibility wounds that need to be addressed:

Layer One: Fear of Being Seen at All

This is the surface layer. The body image stuff. The perfectionism. The "I can't post that video because my hair's messy" or "I'll wait until I lose weight to do the photoshoot". This layer is about literally being visible. It's coded in your nervous system as unsafe because somewhere along the way, you learned that being seen led to pain. Maybe you were criticised. Maybe you were made fun of. Maybe you learned that visibility meant vulnerability, and vulnerability meant getting hurt.

Your body remembers. And it's trying to protect you by keeping you small. For spiritual entrepreneurs, this often shows up as over-preparing, over-editing, waiting for everything to be perfect before you hit publish. You're not lazy. You're scared.

Layer Two: Visible But Masked

This is where a lot of people live. You're showing up. You're posting. But there's a level of masking happening.

For me, this showed up as trying to sound more clinical when I talked about nervous system work. I toned down the spiritual side because I was afraid people wouldn't take me seriously. I didn't swear in my content. I didn't share my sarcastic, playful side. I performed a version of myself I thought would be more acceptable. And it worked, to a degree. People hired me. But I was exhausted. Because they weren't getting the real me.

For spiritual entrepreneurs, this often looks like hiding your intuitive gifts to appear more "professional". Or diluting your message because you're worried about being judged. Or playing small because you're afraid of being "too much".

You're visible, but you're not free. And that performance will burn you out faster than any posting schedule ever could.

Layer Three: Fully Expressed Authority

This is the deepest layer. This is where you're not just visible, you're fully expressed. You're showing up as the identity you're becoming, not the one you've outgrown. This means being willing to be seen for what you believe, not just what you do. It means speaking your truth even when it's uncomfortable. It means owning your desire, your pricing, your authority. It means being able to walk into a room full of family members who don't understand your work and still claim your identity as an entrepreneur. It means being seen as a leader, not just a service provider. This is where most visibility work needs to go. Because if you can't own who you are in your own life, you'll struggle to own it online. And your business will always feel like you're pushing a boulder uphill.

How I Became Emotionally Detached from Criticism

People ask me all the time: "How do you not let the trolls get to you?"

And the truth is, it's not about developing a thick skin or pretending it doesn't hurt. It's about doing the deeper identity work.

I've faced the places within myself where I questioned my authority. I've met my inner imposter. I've done body psychotherapy to get to the root of what was actually holding me back. Because what your brain thinks is the problem and what your body leads you to are often very different things. I've learned to see visibility wounds not as blocks, but as invitations. When something comes up, when I feel that familiar wobble, I don't push it down or try to logic my way through it. I follow the breadcrumb trail. I ask: What is this actually pointing to? What wound is this trying to reveal so I can heal it?

And I've built a nervous system that can hold being visible. Because you can have all the strategy in the world, but if your nervous system collapses every time someone disagrees with you, you won't be able to hold your next level. This is the work I do with clients in my mastermind. Not just strategy. Not just mindset. The somatic, embodied work that rewires how your body responds to visibility.

One of my mastermind members had a massive fear of getting negative comments on Facebook ads. It was her biggest block. And then it happened. Someone left a harsh comment. And instead of spiralling, we used it. We sat in Slack together, and I guided her through what was happening in her body. "Pat yourself down," I said. "Notice. You're still alive." We followed the pathway in her body to find the wound underneath. And we healed it. Together.

That's the difference between surface-level business coaching and trauma-informed, nervous system-led work. We don't just give you the strategy and send you on your way. We build your capacity to hold what you're building.

The Real Power Move in Visibility

The real power move in visibility is not going viral. It's not getting thousands of followers or having your reel blow up. The real power move is becoming so solid in who you are, so safe in your own identity, that someone else's projections cannot touch you. When you're anchored in yourself, when you've done the identity work, when you know who you are and what you're here to do, nothing can shake you. At least not in the way it used to.

Trolls can't trigger you. Fear of judgment loses its power. Being seen in a way that's different from how people used to know you becomes liberating instead of terrifying. And that's when your visibility becomes magnetic. Because you're not performing anymore. You're not trying to be liked. You're just being undeniable.

This is what feminine leadership actually looks like. Not the polished, perfect version you see on Instagram. The messy, real, fully expressed version that gives other women permission to do the same.

Your Next Visibility Edge Is Calling

So here's my invitation to you:
Stop trying to be liked. Start being undeniable.

Look at what visibility edge you're holding yourself back from. What are you afraid people will think? What judgment are you carrying that isn't even yours? And then ask yourself: What wound is this pointing to? What part of me still believes I'm not enough, not qualified, not worthy?

Because that's where the real work is. Not in the content strategy or the algorithm hacks or the trending reels. But in becoming so anchored in who you are that criticism becomes background noise instead of a spiral.

The business owners willing to face their visibility wounds are the ones who will grow and stay relevant in 2026. Because while everyone else is fighting the algorithm, you'll be doing the identity work that makes you magnetic. You don't need permission to be seen. You don't need everyone to like you. You just need to do the inner work so that when the trolls show up, there's no open wound for them to pour salt into.

That's freedom. That's visibility from the inside out. That's what it means to build a soul-led business that actually lasts.

Ready to Become Visible from the Inside Out?

If you're ready to stop hiding and step into the version of you who is magnetic, grounded, and felt every time she speaks, join my free live activation:

Activate Full Expression to Become an In Demand Authority in 2026
Three dates in February: 16th, 18th, and 19th

This isn't about content strategy, algorithm hacks, or dancing for likes. We're diving into what it actually takes for you to be seen, felt, and paid for who you actually are. That starts with safety. And that's exactly what we'll be working on.

Register for the free activation here
https://jessicaread.com/activation

Come over to my Instagram @jessica.read.ilc and tell me: what visibility edge are you holding yourself back from? What are you afraid people will judge you for? Let's start the conversation.

Because the world needs to see you. The real you. Not the masked, diluted, performing version. The fully expressed, unapologetically you version.

And that version? She's ready.